On Comestibles

Out of respect for the prevailing norms of a civilised society and to avoid adding insult to injury, a gentleman should abstain from giving golden showers if he has consumed asparagus within the past three days.

On Inequality

In most parts of the world, a gentleman does not travel by rickshaw, this mode of transport being an unseemly manifestation of the social ill of inequality.


However, this prohibition does not apply in certain Asiatic regions, where man-powered transportation comports well with the social norms of Confucianism, and is thus to be greatly preferred.

On the Division between Style and Substance

A gentleman does not allow his distaste for one-party states, violations of the Geneva Convention, or egregious kleptocracy to cloud his appreciation for the stylish accessories of a Third World dictator.

On Tète-à-Tètes

When engaged in conversation, a gentleman should not describe his experience as a prisoner of war within the first two minutes of the colloquy.

On the Giving of Thanks

A gentleman always deep-fries his turducken.

On Typography

Reserving such indiscretions only for the boorish masses, a gentleman's favourite font ought not be helvetica.

On Sustenance

While in attendance at a lecture by a noted scholar, a gentleman is not at liberty to eat dry Cheerios from a Ziploc bag.

On Decorum

Even if a gentleman's favourite sports team has had the supremely good fortune of capturing a world championship, he must take great pains not to turn his online forum for gentlemanly maxims into a setting for unseemly bragadoccio.

On Hubris

A gentleman never claims to have figured out Mariano Rivera.

On Intellectual Property

Regardless of its unparalleled excellence, a gentlemen ought not seek a patent on his specific style of masturbation.